Little Red Cecelia

Peta and I's version of 'Little Red Riding Hood'

Once upon a time there lived in a certain city a little girl, the smartest person who was ever seen. Her mother was excessively hateful to her, for she wished her to be pretty and despised the fact that the girl was smarter than her. The girl had a red coat from target which she adored and wore so often that everybody called her Little Red Riding Hood.

One day her mother, having made some cake pops, said to her, “Go, Little Red Riding Hood, and see how your grandmother is doing, for I hear she has schizophrenia. Take her a few cake pops, and this little pot of botox.”

Little Red Riding Hood objected immediately to go to her grandmother, who lived on the other side of the city, as it was late at night.

“No. I have homework to do and I have to write my debating speech. Also, don’t call me ‘Little,’ that’s demeaning. And my name is Cecelia.”

“Don’t be mean to me, I’m your mother! Please go take this food to her.”

“Can’t you take the food to her tomorrow, it’s not like you work or anything!”

Her mother was so mad that she abandoned her. But, because she was so smart, she signed herself up to public school, got a job, and is now a successful television producer.